From Shuttlecock to Brobdingnagian egos

It’s not that I like beating people at things, it’s just that I like winning, and you can’t usually get one without the other. 

There are some people at SAIT, including myself, who play badminton every Thursday over the noon hour.  First of all, badminton is tons of fun.  I hadn’t really played it since grade 10 gym class, but it’s a great way to get yourself running around, and it’s pretty enjoyable to boot.  Secondly, I like beating people when I’m playing sports, and these badminton escapades generally give me the opportunity to do that.

I’m not saying that I play with these people specifically because it gives me the chance to beat them, which would be rude.  All I’m saying is that it’s a part of the process that I enjoy.  To be fair, I feel a little rude just writing about it, but it’s true.  Because really, when you’re out playing co-ed sports with your co-workers the intent should not be winning or losing; exercise and socialization should be enough incentive.  But, at the same time, we keep score, and if you’re keeping score it obviously matters who comes out the victor.  If we wanted to just for an hour we could do that, right?

I do feel a bit awkward when I sometimes let a “yes!” escape my lips after I get a point. 

The funny thing about that desire to win is that it gives a person a lot of motivation to keep pushing forward.  While I, for some reason, really want to win when I’m either playing a sport or a video game, some people have get that feeling in school, and others have it in their career.  Those other categories are probably a lot more beneficial, but I do enjoy always winning at Mario Kart. 

I never cared too much if people got higher marks than me in school, because I always felt like if I really wanted to get A’s I could.  I just didn’t really want to put the time in.  You have to study your ass off for marks like that!  I was always happy putting in a reasonable effort, and receiving reasonable marks.  Every once and a while I would find a class I really liked, put my top efforts in, and grab an A.  It solidified my opinion that I could do it if I wanted; it just wasn’t what I wanted. 

Career wise I had ego problems.  When I got my degree I felt entitled.  I’d put all that work into my degree, I learned about tons of stuff, and I now deserved a job that recognized that work.  I could have kept my lifeguarding job at the U of C.  I could have worked a part-time job that had nothing to do with my degree, utilized none of the skills I had picked up, had nothing to do with anything I was interested in, and given me a paycheque.  I figured doing that would make me feel like a loser, like I was too weak to be successful.  I opted instead to leech off my family in some absurd attempt to maintain my dignity.

I should have gone with the paycheque.

The thing I ended up realizing, after working here at SAIT for a while, is that you don’t need a lot of money to be happy (though it’s nice), and you don’t need a prestigious job to be proud of yourself (not that it hurts).  All I really need to be happy is a few good conversations with a few different people everyday.  Someone to laugh at my jokes doesn’t hurt either (I still have an ego).

That last part is still especially true: I do have an ego.  But, don’t we all.  Mine won’t let me stay a lifeguard forever because I know it doesn’t stimulate my mind the way I need my life to.  But, while I’m here I have to understand that it is a great job for me.  I work with a lot of great people that I get to converse with, and I’ve made new friends that I’ve been able to go out and spend time with outside of work.

What it comes down to is that I’m starting to shuck off the feeling of being trapped, doomed, and unworthy, which has been looming over me for the past year, and am beginning to feel like I have a pretty sweet future ahead of me.  That and I’m pretty good at badminton, at least for someone who isn’t that good.

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Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence.

Talent will not. Nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.

Genius will not. Unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.

Education will not. The world is full of educated derelicts.

Persistence, determination and hard work make the difference. -- Calvin Coolidge