Demotic Exordiums

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Moving day?

Perhaps it came in with all the snow, but it seems change is afoot here at Demotic Exordiums. 

I’ve been using TypePad to host my blog for the past five to six months, and, to be honest, I really don’t have anything to complain about.  It does everything I ask of it, and it’s never given me a headache.  But, here’s my problem.  I’ve purchased the domain http://www.eastauth.com and have been running that for some time as well.  I use it to house writing samples and the like which I refer people to on my resume.

The website costs me money.  Blogging through TypePad costs me money.  One of these is unnecessary.

There’s a platform that goes by the name of WordPress, which is free and supported by the community.  To use it you just need your own domain (which I have).  So, after coming across WordPress again last night I got to thinking: why don’t I just use it?

And so, I refer you to the new eastauth.com possible home of Demotic Exordiums.  But please, give feedback.  What do you think of the new digs?  Better?  Worse?  Stick with TypePad at least until my year with them is up?  Move all action over to eastauth.com immediately?  However you look at it you have to admit that eastauth.com is a much easier URL to remember.  And, to be honest, I think I’m kind of leaning towards the WordPress format.

I’m looking for opinions, folks.  So, please, don’t be shy.

Fear and Trembling down the road

My nightmare works just down the street.  It upsets me whenever I see it.

See, there’s this guy, late twenties maybe, maybe early thirties, and he works at the Safeway.  Actually, he could be mid to late thirties, I really can’t tell.  He’s lanky with Kramer hair and a sad, bitter face.  He’s always dressed in a cheap white dress shirt but with no undershirt so it’s slightly see through.   It’s that sad bitter face that always gets to me.  I get the feeling that he just hates working there; that he thinks he’s better than that job.  He wants to do more but he’s stuck, and because he’s stuck it makes him bitter.  That’s my nightmare.

It’s easy to find yourself in that position though, isn’t it?  You need a job so you go out and find some work.  It pays more than you’re used to and you like having the money.  Next thing you know you’re spending more than you’re actually making.  It feels good though, because you’re able to buy those things that you always though would make you happy, the things you thought a good life was made from. 

Then you find yourself stuck.  You’ve got your things, but now you’re stuck with your job.  That job you never really wanted, but you took for the money.  Then you find the money isn’t making you as happy as you thought. Sure, it was nice at the beginning, but now you want more.  You want more but you’ve found you’ve already hit the earnings ceiling.  You’re maxed out and you can’t leave because you need everything you’re getting. You start feeling sad.  Then you start feeling bitter.

You know you could do better but you know you can’t leave either.  You’re stuck buying cheap shirts and scanning prices into a fancy laser gun under the depressing glow of florescent lights.

It makes me shutter.

It’s probably a part of the reason I didn’t want to apply at Safeway during my search for part-time work.  I did though, eventually, because I found out that some things are more important to you than your fears are scary.  They didn’t call me back.  Maybe I was overqualified.  (I was)

I also realize that it’s unlikely I’ll ever be swallowed up by my fears for the very reason that they are my fears.  When there’s something in your life that you’re terrified of coming to fruition, you can usually be confident that you’ll spend the necessary energy to ensure it doesn’t happen.  Of course, recent events prove to me that this isn’t the case, as sometimes your efforts are, unfortunately, poorly focused.

Snow Day!

I spent all day writing a paper for my last class of the fall semester.  Well, that’s not quite true.  I spent all day thinking about writing it.  Only about three hours were spent writing.  I watched the last half (maybe only quarter) of The Untouchables, followed by Goodfellas.  I also watched the Boston / Toronto game, and am currently in the middle of the Calgary / San Jose game.  But I assure you, throughout all that viewing I was simultaneously thinking about how I had to finish writing my paper. 

Who can be expected to sit around writing a paper on a snow day like today?  Sure, it might seem like because I was stuck indoors all day it would be the perfect opportunity to sit plugging away at a keyboard.  But, snow days are supposed to be write-offs.  They’re the kind of day you should be allowed to play Mario Bros. all day and not feel bad about it.  But, sometimes you’ve got to get down to business, even when if it’s not a business day.  The paper went pretty well, and considering it only took three hours to write I’m pretty happy about it. 

How about that snow?  I’m sure you’ve all seen some big drifts in your travels, or just your front yards.  But, wow.  I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen the wind have that much snow to whip up into piles.  I was glad I didn’t have anything to do today or yesterday.  There’s a girl I work with who drove up to Edmonton last night.  She told me she saw 54 cars in the ditch and one jack-knifed semi.  Not sure how long it took her, but I’d imagine you’d have to drive slow if you wanted to make sure you didn’t become car 55.

I think this next week I’m going to do a whole bunch of awesome stuff.  I don’t work very much so I’ll have time to fill it up with awesome stuff.  That’s the kind of stuff I’d like to be able to fill my notebooks with.  I do have an interview on Monday morning with the Calgary Distress Centre, where I’ll be talking to someone about writing their newsletter.  It’s just a volunteer thing, but it’ll be a way for me to get some experience.  Of course, we’ll have to see how that chat goes.

I'd kill a thousand trees if it meant my happiness

I have a goal in life to have a bookshelf jam packed with full notebooks.  I love notebooks.  They’re the kind of thing I like to buy when I’m having a bad day, or if I’m feeling stressed about something.  They’re full of freedom.  You hold one and imagine all the words you’ll fill it with, the memories it will hold, and the stories you’ll tell.  It’s like an optimistic piece of your future.  No matter what you fill them with, good feelings of bad ones, they’re going to make for a great read sometime in your future.  A filled notebook is better than any photo album.

I was looking through one of mine today.  A lot of it’s boring, filled with old lists and scrabble scores.  But, I’ve written some stuff that’s a lot of fun to go back over; the kind of things that come out when I really let my pen run away from me.  Here’s an excerpt:

I saw the heart of an aging man.  I saw it first in his smile, broad and creased like an old oak tree.  There was a beauty undefinable within it.  I saw it next in his hands, leathery and worn.  They glowed a dull luster, beyond the scope of the human eye.  When I saw the heart of an aging man it far outshone my own.  And, though I wished him all the best, I saw him later the same week.  His eyes were shut, his hands clutched, and his heart was gone.

That’s the kind of stuff I like to go back and re-read the most.  They don’t come out often, but I would love to have an entire book with paragraphs like that, little snapshots of my mind coming out through these curious representations.

I’ve got a long way to go before I get there.  Right now it seems to be taking me well over a year to fill up an entire notepad.  Though, to be fair, I have three on the go.  One I write in nightly, which is a new occurrence, and is filled with whatever thought shines most brightly about my day.  A second I use for lists and whatever I might need paper for, but this is also the one the above quote comes from.  The third is a smaller one that will fit in my pocket.  Every once and a while I’ll be lucky enough to have a nice thought land in that one, but for the most part it gets filled with boring lists as well.  It seems boring lists haunts much of my life.

I try to walk around with a pen and a notebook as often as I can.  What I don’t do is tell my brain to keep coming up with creative and interesting things to write.  That’s the real ticket.  That’s what makes paper worth coming back to read.

A Calm Confidence

Sorry, been busy.

I spent all yesterday finishing my communication plan and preparing how I was going to present it.  It ended up going quite well, but it was a good thing I ran through it as many times as I did.  When I first tried it took over twenty minutes to get through my material, and the presentation was only supposed to be ten.  I got things ironed out eventually.

Two more classes are now complete, and after this Thursday all of my fall classes will be done.  Then I’ll just have to finish up in the winter to complete my certificate.  Easy breezy.

I’ll tell you something nice that happened.  Last Tuesday we had an assignment due in my communication planning course.  We were supposed to compete a ‘self-assessment’, which involved writing two pages, commenting on two things that we learned from the class, and explaining how we could take that information into our careers.  I had a bit of fun with it, and I invite you to read it here.  It’s a quick read, and I wouldn’t have posted it up if I thought it would bore you.  So please, take a moment to click the link.

Back?  I got full marks for the assignment, which was nice.  Beyond that, the instructor took the time to comment to me, after the class had ended, that she had enjoyed reading it.  I was glad that she did, I told her. 

She replied: “I think that’s you’re career.” 

“I wouldn’t mind that.” I said. 

“Yep,” she said, “I think that’s it.”

That’s good stuff to hear, because, as I think I’ve said earlier, a guy can’t get enough praise.  But, what to do, what to do?  Perhaps it’s time I looked more closely at how receptive the field of journalism would be to my style of writing.  Maybe I should start trying to write reviews of books, music, restaurants, farming methods, and beer.  Maybe someone would print them.  Better yet, maybe someone would pay me to write them.  Wouldn’t that be lovely?

I’m sitting in the Lazy Loaf as I type this, sipping on a latte and pounding the keys of my MacBook.  I feel my coolest when chilling out in some coffee shop as I write on my computer.  I think it’s what I was made to do.  It involves an incredibly relaxed feeling combined with an undisputed purposefulness.  Like you have a wonderful reason for being there but absolutely no cause to worry about it. 

A calm confidence, that’s what I’m really looking for in life.

EDIT:  I realize the link wasn't up earlier.  Sorry about that.  See, when I typed out the post at the Lazy Loaf I didn't have internet access.  So I typed it out in Word and when I got home I posted it straight to the blog.  When I did that I forgot to do the added work of adding the link.  You should be able to find it above, or you can just click here.

Filler

Once again I have a mere half-hour before I have to be back at work.  Being busy is nice, but it takes away from that special time where I can do the less productive things I enjoy.  Work first though, right Mom?  I know.  And don’t worry I’m on it.

I don’t really have anything to say right now, nor do I have the time to say it, but I don’t like going more than a day without posting on here so I thought I should put something up.  This is basically just filler, and a note to tell you I’ll have something with more weight to it tomorrow.  I have to work now from 12 to 6, and then I have class from 6:30 to 9:30. 

So, until tomorrow.

Glorious weekend content

I work in a half an hour; better make this quick.

It snowed like a banshee here in Calgary last night.  I was not expecting it, but it wasn’t entirely without excitement.  I mean, for quite some time we’ve been having cooler weather.  Not cold, no.  And you won’t find me bitching about temperate climates: I like ‘em when I gets ‘em.  But snow can be fun, and I’ve been itching to try out those new winter tires that my Dad spent so much money on; nothing like enjoying the fruits of someone else’s labor (and being immensely grateful, of course).

So, when all untreated roads were transformed into sheets of ice last night it was the perfect opportunity to put my Ultra Grip Ice’s to the test.  It started as soon as I rolled out of the SAIT parking lot and the van in front of me started spinning out trying to get up a small hill.  He slowed and slowed and slowed until finally his tires were just spinning.  I pulled out and passed him, flipping him the bird as I rolled by (certain parts of this story might have been embellished).  The ice was no match for my newly installed radials, and no cumbersome van was going to slow me down. 

Things went well until I saw 14^th street was backed up infinitely.  This last Tuesday I was stuck in traffic for an hour and a half when I tried to drive down to Mount Royal for my class but found that Crowchild had been closed down at 33^rd due to an accident.  I didn’t want to get into another marathon session of working the clutch, so I detoured over to Teira’s house and we went out for dinner at Saigon Y2K.  I assumed that after a couple of hours the traffic would have died down.

Now, I don’t subscribe to the same saying that many other people do.  You know: “When you assume it makes an ass out of you and me.”  That’s ridiculous.  I say: “When you assume, you’re usually right.”  Because most of the time you are, and if you’re always wrong just start making better assumptions.

This was one time that my assumptions were wrong.  After dropping Teira off and trying once again to head North I saw that the traffic situation had still not changed.  It was about 8:30pm at this point.  It was going to be another long ride home.  I wanted to avoid 14^th because it looked so awful, so I instead opted for Northmount.

Northmount turned out to be a bus graveyard.

Things went smooth until I got East of 14^th street.  After that there were about a dozen busses pulled over on the side of the road, too afraid to brave the icy hill that Northmount turned into.  Their fear was well founded, that hill was treacherous.  Even with my fancy new tires I got completely stuck, and if it wasn’t for the troupe of 10 or so people pushing cars up the hill mine would probably still have been there this morning.  They were like angels.

In the end it only took me a little over an hour to get home.  So yeah, that still sucked, but I know those tires got me out of a couple of slippery situations that my old tires never would have.  In that sense, I think it was a pretty good drive.

From Shuttlecock to Brobdingnagian egos

It’s not that I like beating people at things, it’s just that I like winning, and you can’t usually get one without the other. 

There are some people at SAIT, including myself, who play badminton every Thursday over the noon hour.  First of all, badminton is tons of fun.  I hadn’t really played it since grade 10 gym class, but it’s a great way to get yourself running around, and it’s pretty enjoyable to boot.  Secondly, I like beating people when I’m playing sports, and these badminton escapades generally give me the opportunity to do that.

I’m not saying that I play with these people specifically because it gives me the chance to beat them, which would be rude.  All I’m saying is that it’s a part of the process that I enjoy.  To be fair, I feel a little rude just writing about it, but it’s true.  Because really, when you’re out playing co-ed sports with your co-workers the intent should not be winning or losing; exercise and socialization should be enough incentive.  But, at the same time, we keep score, and if you’re keeping score it obviously matters who comes out the victor.  If we wanted to just for an hour we could do that, right?

I do feel a bit awkward when I sometimes let a “yes!” escape my lips after I get a point. 

The funny thing about that desire to win is that it gives a person a lot of motivation to keep pushing forward.  While I, for some reason, really want to win when I’m either playing a sport or a video game, some people have get that feeling in school, and others have it in their career.  Those other categories are probably a lot more beneficial, but I do enjoy always winning at Mario Kart. 

I never cared too much if people got higher marks than me in school, because I always felt like if I really wanted to get A’s I could.  I just didn’t really want to put the time in.  You have to study your ass off for marks like that!  I was always happy putting in a reasonable effort, and receiving reasonable marks.  Every once and a while I would find a class I really liked, put my top efforts in, and grab an A.  It solidified my opinion that I could do it if I wanted; it just wasn’t what I wanted. 

Career wise I had ego problems.  When I got my degree I felt entitled.  I’d put all that work into my degree, I learned about tons of stuff, and I now deserved a job that recognized that work.  I could have kept my lifeguarding job at the U of C.  I could have worked a part-time job that had nothing to do with my degree, utilized none of the skills I had picked up, had nothing to do with anything I was interested in, and given me a paycheque.  I figured doing that would make me feel like a loser, like I was too weak to be successful.  I opted instead to leech off my family in some absurd attempt to maintain my dignity.

I should have gone with the paycheque.

The thing I ended up realizing, after working here at SAIT for a while, is that you don’t need a lot of money to be happy (though it’s nice), and you don’t need a prestigious job to be proud of yourself (not that it hurts).  All I really need to be happy is a few good conversations with a few different people everyday.  Someone to laugh at my jokes doesn’t hurt either (I still have an ego).

That last part is still especially true: I do have an ego.  But, don’t we all.  Mine won’t let me stay a lifeguard forever because I know it doesn’t stimulate my mind the way I need my life to.  But, while I’m here I have to understand that it is a great job for me.  I work with a lot of great people that I get to converse with, and I’ve made new friends that I’ve been able to go out and spend time with outside of work.

What it comes down to is that I’m starting to shuck off the feeling of being trapped, doomed, and unworthy, which has been looming over me for the past year, and am beginning to feel like I have a pretty sweet future ahead of me.  That and I’m pretty good at badminton, at least for someone who isn’t that good.

Black gold

Today was a pretty good day, complete with patches of bad.

I told you about my sunrise viewing, my coffee shop chilling, and my workout ambitions.  What more could there be, right?  Well, you are right, there isn’t much else.  So instead, let me tell you about my relationship with coffee.

Coffee is something I try to stay away from.  I have no tolerance for it.  It give me the shakes, often the sweats, and usually makes me feel really anxious when it starts to wear off.  A curious set of symptoms for a beverage that millions of people guzzle daily, but for me it’s the unfortunate reality.  For this reason I try to rely on naps to get me through a bout of sleepiness.  The thing is, there are some things about the way coffee makes me feel that I like.

It makes me feel like dancing, and in that sense it’s a little bit like booze.  Not full out foot frenzy, but certainly rhythmic stepping with some foot shuffle.  For a while it’s great, I’m feeling jacked up and slightly less inhibited.  Then it goes to my stomach.  Caffeine, as the Wiki will tell you, is a diuretic.  Steady users will quickly find that their body builds up immunity to these side effects, but infrequent users, I assure you, are not spared.

Furthermore, when it starts wearing off, and this should really be enough to convince me to stay away from it, I start feeling really anxious.  I’ll get stressed out and I won’t really be able to tell why. 

After downing the large coffee I got at Higher Grounds I experienced all of these problems.  These are those patches of bad I referred to earlier. 

I went to play squash with Jerry tonight from about 6:30 to 8:00 and I was able to wear off the caffeinated feeling that had plagued me most of the day.  Time to learn my lesson.  I think I’ll stick to tea from now on.

On another note, this is my 50^th post on this blog.  Hurray for me!  I’m actually writing with consistency, and, though I don’t always feel like I have a lot to say, the steady amount of daily visits keeps me motivated.  Over the past couple of weeks the site has received an average of just under 19 visits a day.  That’s certainly nothing huge, but for me it’s plenty to keep me going. 

So here’s a big thank you to all of you for your interest and continued patronage.  They say “a writer writes”, so thank you all for giving me that little push to keep me doing what I want to be doing.